"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those
who are willing to work and give to those who would not."
--Thomas Jefferson

Friday, September 23, 2011

Friday Funnies! Retired Husband

friday funnies

Happy Friday Everyone!

Sorry about last week. I didn’t think anyone would notice since traffic has been slow but you spoke loud and clear how you missed Friday Funnies, so here we go!

If you would like to join in the fun, I’d love to have you. You can link up a family friendly video, story, joke, picture, etc.

Now let’s spread some funny!

My funny today makes me a little scared for when my husband retires.

Enjoy!

RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:


Dear Mrs. F,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. F, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 jars of denture cream and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made up a false nametag and started greeting people at the door.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers to bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were
called.
9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: He grabbed a Wonka bar at the check out and started singing the Oompa Loompa song.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a
fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. October 30: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.

We are sorry for the inconvenience. Have a nice day!

 

Have a FABULOUS day everyone! And don’t forget to enter my giveaway!

10 comments:

  1. Haaaaaaaaaaaaa! Oh, I have tears in my eyes from laughing so much. "Pick me! Pick me!" Oh that is too funny. Thanks for sharing this.

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  2. LOL That is hysterical!! Looks like that lady was browsing for quite a while with all the mischief he was able to accomplish :P

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  3. PPPPPPppppppppttt! *spitting milk out my nose* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! That's Nathan.....

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  4. KIM......You shouldn't share that private information with other people!! Your husband didn't want anyone to know!!!

    lolololololololololol

    These are hilarious! Honestly, it could be my husband as well!

    Happy Friday and we are soooooo glad to have FF back!

    Love you my friend

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  5. Thanks for the laughs... and so happy to see Friday Funnies back again!

    Have a wonderful weekend, Kim.

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  6. ROFL!!!!
    I've been having some health setbacks.....this was de best medicine today!!!

    GOD BLESS!!

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  7. Oh my goodness!! I so think this would be my husband in a few years..LOL. Too funny

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  8. This was the funniest of funnies ever, well, it got me good for today anyway. Thanks for the laughs!!

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  9. This was so hilarious my friend! I was in such a bad mood the night you posted it and was even having to apologize to my family for my grouchiness, then I happened to see your post while in the kitchen with hubs and son. I read it out loud for all and we laughed a lot - especially me!! And OH - that last one had me crying I was laughing so hard - LOL! Anyway, it definitely helped my mood my friend - you rescued me! :)

    Big wow-I-thought-I-knew-your-husband-better-than-that-but-he's-quite-the-troublemaker size hugs to you!!! Love you friend! Hope you're having a great week!

    I really hope to post something on my blog tomorrow - LOL! I have all kinds of things to post, but no time or energy. I'm just so tired in the evenings and the days are SO busy - ugh! Hope all is well with you!!

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